It's been a while. Honestly I have been stuck in a rut. My life has been on this fast track for as long as I can remember and these last few months it has slowed down completely. I'm not unhappy, it is not that. In fact I have some amazing people in my life right now that have kept me from loosing my mind. I'm just out of school, still interning, still at Borders, still waiting. I'm just at a wall and I'm trying to break it down. Thinking about it and acknowledging the wall is hard, so instead I just bury myself in all the work I have to do and hide there trying to pray myself around the wall. I would update you all on what you missed, but my life is basically the same as my last few entries, I just have a lot less money.
Father's Day was hard, not that I would let anyone know. Not that anyone asked. Not that I would tell them if they did. For those of you who don't know, I don't have a dad...anymore.
I walked home from seeing UP tonight. It is the first time I have really had alone in months, outside of driving my car to work. I had a lot to think about. With Father's Day still on my mind and some weird stuff going on with my mom, I was thinking a lot about parenting. I think we generally call anyone that has popped a kid out a parent. I think the term is used too loosely. Anyone who has successfully hit puberty can pop a kid out, not everyone can be a parent. I think in order to be a parent you have to do everything humanly possible to raise a healthy, well-educated, and non-selfish child. I say humanly possible because lets face it, there are "acts of God" that we cannot control: that drunk driver, the candle that gets knocked over, or that man with a gun. Maybe your kid is just driving home from getting pizza, and never makes it. Some things you can't help. Healthy is obvious, don't poison your kid. Watch Sixth Sense again if you don't get it. Well-educated...basically you encourage the kid to do something besides play video games. It's called a book...without pictures. Non-selfish is also self explanatory. You share more then you think you do, including air, so learn to share.
What makes a good parent then? Someone who decides to take the basics a step further, such as encourage and support their kid. Someone who helps point their kids in the direction of their dreams, not their own dreams.
What makes a great parent? Simple. Unconditional love. It seems easy, but it is actually really rare. Most people who say they love someone unconditionally really don't. Unconditional means forgiveness, trust and acceptance. As a parent, it means that you love your kid no matter who they love, what they choose to be, what they choose to do or what happens to them. Most parents like to think they love their child unconditionally, until that love is tested, then they are quick to dismiss their child or just ignore some part of who their child is. Maybe they only partially except their child to their child's face, but to their friends and other family members they are ashamed. It is probably the hardest thing in the world to do, love someone unconditionally. I'm not sure that I am capable of that right now (not just in the parental aspect, no kids for me, just in general). I'm too selfish, too hurt, and honestly too scared for that. But like most people, I'm hoping that will change someday.
It's hard to honestly rate my parents. I hated my dad for most of my life. Mostly because I feel like he chose smoking over his family, and over me. For years I just watched him die slowly. Getting sicker every year and doing nothing to save himself. I felt that if he really cared about me, he would quit and take better care of himself. Every phone call about him was like tossing a coin, was he just back in the hospital or was this the time it was going to be the last call? Eventually it was. I still can't forgive him for not being here right now. It wasn't something that was out of his control, some cancer or freak accident. It was his choice. He didn't choose me.
Then I remember this one moment I had with him, that I never understood until years later. My dad had picked me up from another one of my soccer games he hadn't attended. I was maybe 12. My dad had lost his job about a year earlier. I hadn't eaten and I was hungry. He offered to buy me dinner, so we pulled into McDonalds. I remember him looking in his wallet and only finding $2. I remember him not knowing that I noticed, and telling me that I could have anything I wanted. Luckily I only wanted a cheeseburger. I remember getting home and getting out of the car and running inside. He sat there, in the car for a little bit, with the most worried look on his face. When he did come in he went straight to his office and didn't come out until after I was asleep. He never ate dinner. It was probably the best cheeseburger I ever had.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Rush
Me: I am 99% sure I just saw Lindsay Lohan
Sarah: You know she’s single now...
Me: And possibly gay...
Sarah: And a red head...
Me: Sounds perfect. Just what I need, another red head.
I just got done reading and writing coverage for this very boring book called Ecotopia. It is basically the author’s idea for a perfect eco friendly society and then he decided that no one would read his philosophy and theories so he put it into a fiction form by having a “journalist” go into this society and write articles on it. Basically the book is just his published articles, with a few journal entries in between. When I was about fifty pages in I stopped reading the articles and just read the journal entries. His personal life was not that interesting, just him falling for some woman he met despite the fact that he has both a wife and mistress back in New York...this was not a romantic comedy by the way.
What stuck with me though was this feeling of what it’s like to fall for someone, the intensity of it all. That feeling where you can’t get enough of them even if you see them all the time. You think about them constantly. You long to touch them constantly. Your sex drive is as high as it ever possibly could be and despite how long of a day you have had or how tired you are, you still want them. When you walk down the street and something reminds you of them and your stomach just tightens up in knots as a huge grin grows across your face. It’s this unreal feeling that’s been created and you want nothing more then for it to last forever because it is perfect and it lets you feel like you could do anything. The problem is...what happens when it stops? What happens when it goes away? You can sit there and think it won’t, but the truth it that it will. Ideally you find “the one” who will make you feel that way forever but how many people do you know that ten to twenty years later still feel that?
I think the truth is I have been hurt to badly to ever believe that is possible. I see older couples that may still be together but things have changed. They don’t look at each other the way they once did. They stay together out of obligation or because their significant other has become such a big part of their life that they wouldn’t know how to stand on their own if they weren’t with that person...and the dependency has nothing to do with love.
I just finished reading this romantic comedy about this couple that has been married for ten years and their marriage is falling apart. I can’t discuss the details but it takes a major event in order to get them to come back together and fall back in love...but what would happen if that event never happened and it ended in a divorce? It’s this horribly depressing thought that maybe the best part of any relationship is the beginning and then it’s all just downhill from there.
Maybe that is my problem right now. I have had more beginnings in the last year then I care to admit, always ending abruptly by something. Mostly me ending it before it could even have the chance of going bad. Maybe that is what I’m scared of...what happens after the beginning. I did that once, I had the middle, and I had the end. Both parts suck. Looking back, my favorite parts were all in the beginning. The middle was filled with mediocre day-to-day things. The ending was a mess of fighting, yelling and breaking things, mostly each other.
Yes, it was nice to have the same person to come home to everyday. It was nice to have some stability with a person you truly care about, but I don’t know if I want stable the rest of my life. I want that rush. I need that rush. Right now I’m so scared of loosing that rush that I act really stupid as a reflex. At the same time I don’t want to be thirty-five and still be chasing after some rush, so I’m hoping this is a stage I will grow out of...quickly.
Scott: Let’s go to the mall and break up straight couples.
After getting out of work and heading out to the dark parking lot.
Me: Marcus, hold my hand, I’m scared of the dark.
Marcus: Well I’m scared of girls.
Nate: You have this amazing thing with your eyes that when you look at people, it’s like they are elevated off the ground.
Sarah: You know she’s single now...
Me: And possibly gay...
Sarah: And a red head...
Me: Sounds perfect. Just what I need, another red head.
I just got done reading and writing coverage for this very boring book called Ecotopia. It is basically the author’s idea for a perfect eco friendly society and then he decided that no one would read his philosophy and theories so he put it into a fiction form by having a “journalist” go into this society and write articles on it. Basically the book is just his published articles, with a few journal entries in between. When I was about fifty pages in I stopped reading the articles and just read the journal entries. His personal life was not that interesting, just him falling for some woman he met despite the fact that he has both a wife and mistress back in New York...this was not a romantic comedy by the way.
What stuck with me though was this feeling of what it’s like to fall for someone, the intensity of it all. That feeling where you can’t get enough of them even if you see them all the time. You think about them constantly. You long to touch them constantly. Your sex drive is as high as it ever possibly could be and despite how long of a day you have had or how tired you are, you still want them. When you walk down the street and something reminds you of them and your stomach just tightens up in knots as a huge grin grows across your face. It’s this unreal feeling that’s been created and you want nothing more then for it to last forever because it is perfect and it lets you feel like you could do anything. The problem is...what happens when it stops? What happens when it goes away? You can sit there and think it won’t, but the truth it that it will. Ideally you find “the one” who will make you feel that way forever but how many people do you know that ten to twenty years later still feel that?
I think the truth is I have been hurt to badly to ever believe that is possible. I see older couples that may still be together but things have changed. They don’t look at each other the way they once did. They stay together out of obligation or because their significant other has become such a big part of their life that they wouldn’t know how to stand on their own if they weren’t with that person...and the dependency has nothing to do with love.
I just finished reading this romantic comedy about this couple that has been married for ten years and their marriage is falling apart. I can’t discuss the details but it takes a major event in order to get them to come back together and fall back in love...but what would happen if that event never happened and it ended in a divorce? It’s this horribly depressing thought that maybe the best part of any relationship is the beginning and then it’s all just downhill from there.
Maybe that is my problem right now. I have had more beginnings in the last year then I care to admit, always ending abruptly by something. Mostly me ending it before it could even have the chance of going bad. Maybe that is what I’m scared of...what happens after the beginning. I did that once, I had the middle, and I had the end. Both parts suck. Looking back, my favorite parts were all in the beginning. The middle was filled with mediocre day-to-day things. The ending was a mess of fighting, yelling and breaking things, mostly each other.
Yes, it was nice to have the same person to come home to everyday. It was nice to have some stability with a person you truly care about, but I don’t know if I want stable the rest of my life. I want that rush. I need that rush. Right now I’m so scared of loosing that rush that I act really stupid as a reflex. At the same time I don’t want to be thirty-five and still be chasing after some rush, so I’m hoping this is a stage I will grow out of...quickly.
Scott: Let’s go to the mall and break up straight couples.
After getting out of work and heading out to the dark parking lot.
Me: Marcus, hold my hand, I’m scared of the dark.
Marcus: Well I’m scared of girls.
Nate: You have this amazing thing with your eyes that when you look at people, it’s like they are elevated off the ground.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Tired
I'm tired. I'm tired physically. I'm tired mentally. I'm just plain tired.
I spaced out in the shower today for a good twenty minutes (I only know this because the shower was 20 minutes longer then it normally is for the exact same amount of washing). I can't remember why I spaced out, I just did...there went twenty minutes of my life I should have spent reading another script. I finally bought MAX some coolant that he's been needing for weeks. I finally gave him a bath that he's been needing for months. I need to do laundry but instead I'm writing this blog and then taking a nap. I'm laying here in bed typing while I hear Leah out in the kitchen angrily putting the dishes away...again. My room is a mess because I have no furniture to put my shit on and I'm too lazy to put shit where it really should go. I have this book I really need to read but I really don't want too. I have a script I need to write. No wait, I have two. I feel like I have eaten too much food today but I don't think I have really eaten enough. BUT....
...I'm really happy. I mean this is what I gave it all up for. In the last month before I left I totaled my car, got a promotion at work, had two bars at I could drink for free, and finally got the girl I had wanted for three fucking years. Then I put all my shit into MAX and drove 2000 miles out here and stood on top of a canyon and watched the sunset. And thinking about all the shit I felt for the longest time that I had given up I really hadn't. I would never have even had a car to total in the first place if I wasn't moving out here. I would never have thrown myself into work to save money and pass the time if I hadn't been leaving. I would not have been partying as much if I hadn't thought these were my last days to do so (maybe I would have :\). And I would never had kissed the girl of my dreams.
So really those were opportunities that I was given because of this chance. I totaled my first car in Indiana which gave me more time to spend with my family then I originally planned and I got Max who got me out here safely and has been a trooper so far (fingers crossed). The promotion at the last minute gave me a lot more money which actually helped me buy Max when shit hit the fan. I drank a lot...I needed that at the time...I don't think I need it as much anymore. And I got to have someone for a moment. An amazing wonderful moment. Which I will forever be thankful for forever despite the fact that it is not meant to be.
Three months from saying goodbye to Chicago, I am finally seeing these things as opportunities instead of sacrifices...and I'm finally closing that book. I don't need to worry about what would have been if I had stayed, because I didn't. I couldn't. I'm taking everything I have learned and felt away with me and I am going to stop looking back. I have this amazing life ahead of me and if I keep letting things behind me pull me back down, it will take me twice as long.
I have so many amazing people out here that I never thought I would have the chance to meet. I'm feeling things I didn't think I would feel again for a long time. And I'm moving on.
I still love Chicago and everyone there, but Los Angeles is my home. And I think I know that 100% now.
I spaced out in the shower today for a good twenty minutes (I only know this because the shower was 20 minutes longer then it normally is for the exact same amount of washing). I can't remember why I spaced out, I just did...there went twenty minutes of my life I should have spent reading another script. I finally bought MAX some coolant that he's been needing for weeks. I finally gave him a bath that he's been needing for months. I need to do laundry but instead I'm writing this blog and then taking a nap. I'm laying here in bed typing while I hear Leah out in the kitchen angrily putting the dishes away...again. My room is a mess because I have no furniture to put my shit on and I'm too lazy to put shit where it really should go. I have this book I really need to read but I really don't want too. I have a script I need to write. No wait, I have two. I feel like I have eaten too much food today but I don't think I have really eaten enough. BUT....
...I'm really happy. I mean this is what I gave it all up for. In the last month before I left I totaled my car, got a promotion at work, had two bars at I could drink for free, and finally got the girl I had wanted for three fucking years. Then I put all my shit into MAX and drove 2000 miles out here and stood on top of a canyon and watched the sunset. And thinking about all the shit I felt for the longest time that I had given up I really hadn't. I would never have even had a car to total in the first place if I wasn't moving out here. I would never have thrown myself into work to save money and pass the time if I hadn't been leaving. I would not have been partying as much if I hadn't thought these were my last days to do so (maybe I would have :\). And I would never had kissed the girl of my dreams.
So really those were opportunities that I was given because of this chance. I totaled my first car in Indiana which gave me more time to spend with my family then I originally planned and I got Max who got me out here safely and has been a trooper so far (fingers crossed). The promotion at the last minute gave me a lot more money which actually helped me buy Max when shit hit the fan. I drank a lot...I needed that at the time...I don't think I need it as much anymore. And I got to have someone for a moment. An amazing wonderful moment. Which I will forever be thankful for forever despite the fact that it is not meant to be.
Three months from saying goodbye to Chicago, I am finally seeing these things as opportunities instead of sacrifices...and I'm finally closing that book. I don't need to worry about what would have been if I had stayed, because I didn't. I couldn't. I'm taking everything I have learned and felt away with me and I am going to stop looking back. I have this amazing life ahead of me and if I keep letting things behind me pull me back down, it will take me twice as long.
I have so many amazing people out here that I never thought I would have the chance to meet. I'm feeling things I didn't think I would feel again for a long time. And I'm moving on.
I still love Chicago and everyone there, but Los Angeles is my home. And I think I know that 100% now.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
INTERNET!
So.....did you miss me? I missed me....anyways. It has been a crazy couple of weeks so I figure at this point I have two options: 1. Recap everything that happened and make this the longest blog entry ever, or 2. Just bring you up to date. Lacking a lot of free time, I'm going to go with #2.
1.I now have two internships, one at Rumpus Entertainment and the other is still at Underground.
2. We finally moved into our new apartment. It is a huge three bedroom on the east side of Hollywood.
3. I have my own room!
4. Still working at Borders nights and weekends.
5. Trying to write more....trying being the key word.
6. I'm reading like 10 scripts a week....and slowly loosing my vision.
7. My new favorite song is now Don't Trust Me and is no long Poker Face.
8. My new favorite bar is the Avalon on Thursday nights for Tigerheat...I'm on the VIP list now...done and done.
9. Done is my new favorite word.
10. I have a real bed, there is an opening for a hot single female, if you know one send them over to audition.
11. I got a hair cut....and I really don't like it.
12. I miss Chicago a little, mostly the people.
13. My roommate Meghan won a Ford Fiesta as part of their Ford Fiesta Movement.
14. I found a free TV...no wait....I found two.
15. We have no furniture in our apartment.
Here are some pics of our empty apartment:
Kitchen
My Room:
The Closet Side 1:
The Closet Side 2:
Leah and I's Bathroom:
Living/Dining Room View 1:
Living/Dining Room View 2:
(please note that all furniture shown we got for FREE)
View off our dining room into the court yard/Pool
My Michelle Branch quote that has been in 6 and now 7 rooms of mine:
My artwork from Sam that I can't wait to put up!
Minus the one on the left that is from my Dad...and the belt...that's mine and not artwork.
A lot of quotes to catch up on so I'm just going to throw them all out here to get caught up:
From Mel, my new landlord:
"We don't throw breakables inside. We just throw them outside..at people."
While making a milkshake:
Mary: That's great scooping action there!
Me: If only that was the first time I'd heard that today.
Meghan: I like how you call me out on one thing when you are like the biggest bitch I know.
Chelsea: You are such a player...you just know all the lines...
When putting out the homo magazines at work:
Me: You boys just like seeing each other half naked in water don't you?
Marcus: Maybe.
Me: Us girls are wearing clothes and are dry.
Marcus: No, lesbians would be on the cover with tacos.
Dani: Girls are like flowers...really needy flowers....and boys are like rocks.
Dani: The minute my girlfriend gets a gray hair on her pubes I'm dumping her and getting a new girlfriend.
Me: No Leah, we aren't sleeping together anymore so I don't have to put up with your shit.
Leah: Don't ever tell me we aren't sleeping together anymore!
Me: ?
Me: Don't break my heart.
Chelsea: There is no heart to break...
When driving to our new apartment and there were guys staring in the car:
Leah:We need to keep Meghan in the back where she belongs.
Meghan: Yeah! I got eye fucked the shit out of me.
Leah: She was my mentor at Columbia.
Me: Then you met me.
Leah: Yeah, and you're my sextor.
Me: Sex mentor?
Leah: Yeah.
About my stuffed bunny that my roommates keep sticking stuff in the tummy pouch:
Meghan: If only it was a cat we could put shit in Hilary's pussy.
And speaking of that...Mel's new favorite menu:
Um yeah...now you are caught up!
Now I'm going to go read more scripts...
1.I now have two internships, one at Rumpus Entertainment and the other is still at Underground.
2. We finally moved into our new apartment. It is a huge three bedroom on the east side of Hollywood.
3. I have my own room!
4. Still working at Borders nights and weekends.
5. Trying to write more....trying being the key word.
6. I'm reading like 10 scripts a week....and slowly loosing my vision.
7. My new favorite song is now Don't Trust Me and is no long Poker Face.
8. My new favorite bar is the Avalon on Thursday nights for Tigerheat...I'm on the VIP list now...done and done.
9. Done is my new favorite word.
10. I have a real bed, there is an opening for a hot single female, if you know one send them over to audition.
11. I got a hair cut....and I really don't like it.
12. I miss Chicago a little, mostly the people.
13. My roommate Meghan won a Ford Fiesta as part of their Ford Fiesta Movement.
14. I found a free TV...no wait....I found two.
15. We have no furniture in our apartment.
Here are some pics of our empty apartment:
Kitchen
My Room:
The Closet Side 1:
The Closet Side 2:
Leah and I's Bathroom:
Living/Dining Room View 1:
Living/Dining Room View 2:
(please note that all furniture shown we got for FREE)
View off our dining room into the court yard/Pool
My Michelle Branch quote that has been in 6 and now 7 rooms of mine:
My artwork from Sam that I can't wait to put up!
Minus the one on the left that is from my Dad...and the belt...that's mine and not artwork.
A lot of quotes to catch up on so I'm just going to throw them all out here to get caught up:
From Mel, my new landlord:
"We don't throw breakables inside. We just throw them outside..at people."
While making a milkshake:
Mary: That's great scooping action there!
Me: If only that was the first time I'd heard that today.
Meghan: I like how you call me out on one thing when you are like the biggest bitch I know.
Chelsea: You are such a player...you just know all the lines...
When putting out the homo magazines at work:
Me: You boys just like seeing each other half naked in water don't you?
Marcus: Maybe.
Me: Us girls are wearing clothes and are dry.
Marcus: No, lesbians would be on the cover with tacos.
Dani: Girls are like flowers...really needy flowers....and boys are like rocks.
Dani: The minute my girlfriend gets a gray hair on her pubes I'm dumping her and getting a new girlfriend.
Me: No Leah, we aren't sleeping together anymore so I don't have to put up with your shit.
Leah: Don't ever tell me we aren't sleeping together anymore!
Me: ?
Me: Don't break my heart.
Chelsea: There is no heart to break...
When driving to our new apartment and there were guys staring in the car:
Leah:We need to keep Meghan in the back where she belongs.
Meghan: Yeah! I got eye fucked the shit out of me.
Leah: She was my mentor at Columbia.
Me: Then you met me.
Leah: Yeah, and you're my sextor.
Me: Sex mentor?
Leah: Yeah.
About my stuffed bunny that my roommates keep sticking stuff in the tummy pouch:
Meghan: If only it was a cat we could put shit in Hilary's pussy.
And speaking of that...Mel's new favorite menu:
Um yeah...now you are caught up!
Now I'm going to go read more scripts...
Thursday, April 16, 2009
No internet
I don't have internet right now so I'm way behind posting! BUT I have a place to live...until I get internet watch this over and over again:
Easter Sunday
It was what happens when there are 6 people in my bed and Quintin wants in.
Easter Sunday
It was what happens when there are 6 people in my bed and Quintin wants in.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Black Friday
As found in my cafe:
For those who can't read what it says:
Dear Stranger,
You are a beautiful person. Don't be afraid to be yourself.
(cute little heart) S.F.E.
It has been a rough week followed by the shittiest Friday ever. I started my internship at Underground, which was actually pretty fun. I'm learning a lot and am really enjoying it. I had two interviews, both of which I won't hear back from until next week. CBS canceled on me and won't set up a new interview with me, I'm very disappointed with that. The apartment we were going to get that we all loved screwed us over and decided not to let us have it. LA sucks with people doing that! In Chicago I never had any problems with people standing me up for apartment appointments or screwing us over at the last minute...and here it has happened more then once!!! AHHHHH!!!!!! I have the money...I just want them to take it so I can put all my shoes and movies (seeing as those are only the only things of value to me that I own) somewhere!
Dan: There's something in the water out here. People just want to bang and put things in their butt.
Friday I get up and head to go look at apartments, we found two that we really like and saw a bunch that we really didn't. Apartment hunting sucks. I had an interview at the Laugh Factory that only went so-so because I was in the middle of a text fight with she who must not be named (okay, I really just wanted to use that in a blog because it is awesome...she's still cool and is not the dark lord[ess] in anyway...even though she probably would be in Slytherin) that resulted in us not talking to each other anymore??? (?=I'm confused as fuck)
Followed directly by Sarah standing me up for our phone date (on the worst possible day, at the worst possible time):
Me: Way to not call me back woman!
Sarah:Sorry!! My Friend was having a crisis and then my parents just came...I'll call you tomorrow, I love you.
Me: Yeah yeah, you love me then break my heart...typical woman...and second in the same day haha
Sarah:NOOO!! But I'm not going anywhere, you will always be my homegirl.
Then Meghan and I went to the auditions for the new game show 20Q, she made it to the second round (which reminds me, I'm supposed to give a shout out to Meghan's mom!). Followed by the much needed drinking and shooting people...yeah...shooting people really made me feel better. I must say that nothing mends a sore heart like alcohol and violence. Oh and by the way, I was talking about laser tag, not actually shooting people (although that would have helped more probably).
(Leah sneezes really loudly) Quintin: Wow, that's like 1/3 an orgasm there!
I do not want my blog to be all sad news because I had a crappy Black Friday, so I am leaving you all with a nice little Easter video...Happy Easter!
For those who can't read what it says:
Dear Stranger,
You are a beautiful person. Don't be afraid to be yourself.
(cute little heart) S.F.E.
It has been a rough week followed by the shittiest Friday ever. I started my internship at Underground, which was actually pretty fun. I'm learning a lot and am really enjoying it. I had two interviews, both of which I won't hear back from until next week. CBS canceled on me and won't set up a new interview with me, I'm very disappointed with that. The apartment we were going to get that we all loved screwed us over and decided not to let us have it. LA sucks with people doing that! In Chicago I never had any problems with people standing me up for apartment appointments or screwing us over at the last minute...and here it has happened more then once!!! AHHHHH!!!!!! I have the money...I just want them to take it so I can put all my shoes and movies (seeing as those are only the only things of value to me that I own) somewhere!
Dan: There's something in the water out here. People just want to bang and put things in their butt.
Friday I get up and head to go look at apartments, we found two that we really like and saw a bunch that we really didn't. Apartment hunting sucks. I had an interview at the Laugh Factory that only went so-so because I was in the middle of a text fight with she who must not be named (okay, I really just wanted to use that in a blog because it is awesome...she's still cool and is not the dark lord[ess] in anyway...even though she probably would be in Slytherin) that resulted in us not talking to each other anymore??? (?=I'm confused as fuck)
Followed directly by Sarah standing me up for our phone date (on the worst possible day, at the worst possible time):
Me: Way to not call me back woman!
Sarah:Sorry!! My Friend was having a crisis and then my parents just came...I'll call you tomorrow, I love you.
Me: Yeah yeah, you love me then break my heart...typical woman...and second in the same day haha
Sarah:NOOO!! But I'm not going anywhere, you will always be my homegirl.
Then Meghan and I went to the auditions for the new game show 20Q, she made it to the second round (which reminds me, I'm supposed to give a shout out to Meghan's mom!). Followed by the much needed drinking and shooting people...yeah...shooting people really made me feel better. I must say that nothing mends a sore heart like alcohol and violence. Oh and by the way, I was talking about laser tag, not actually shooting people (although that would have helped more probably).
(Leah sneezes really loudly) Quintin: Wow, that's like 1/3 an orgasm there!
I do not want my blog to be all sad news because I had a crappy Black Friday, so I am leaving you all with a nice little Easter video...Happy Easter!
Monday, April 6, 2009
Internships and all that ADULT stuff
It has been pretty nuts over here in LA!
To make a long story short, in the last week I have:
a. Sent out about 100 resumes
b. Had two interviews
c. Seen 3 apartments
d. Finished my semester at the studio
e. Pitched to 2 studio executives
f. Had an 18 hour party
g. Went on Price is Right (you can see me on April 28th, I did not get to compete but you do see me for a second in the audience)
Out of all that I have decided to take one of the internships at Underground Films on Wed/Thurs and turned down another. The plan is to try to get at least one more internship I really want for Mon/Tues and possibly a third for Friday. Tomorrow I have an interviews at CBS, The Laugh Factory and Rumpus Films (The production company that did Paul Blart)
When I got home from work Friday night at 11 pm, my apartment was filled with tons of people. We started drinking and sometime around 3 I decided to go in my room and pass out. When I woke up at 7 (thanks to Chelsea) my apartment was still filled with people, and they were all passed out around various places in my apartment. Then Chelsea and Leah decided to get in my bed with Meghan and I. Then sometime in there Dan joined in and before I knew it there were five people in my little bed.
Nice.
Then we all went to Ihop and then came home and continued the party. Then I went back to bed. That was my graduation party! haha
I will update you all on what is going on with my interviews/internships a lot sooner this time.
Leah: I'm a pescatarian.
Dan: What is that?
Hilary: It means she likes fish tacos Dan.
Brett: Hilary, stop pushing your lifestyle on others.
To make a long story short, in the last week I have:
a. Sent out about 100 resumes
b. Had two interviews
c. Seen 3 apartments
d. Finished my semester at the studio
e. Pitched to 2 studio executives
f. Had an 18 hour party
g. Went on Price is Right (you can see me on April 28th, I did not get to compete but you do see me for a second in the audience)
Out of all that I have decided to take one of the internships at Underground Films on Wed/Thurs and turned down another. The plan is to try to get at least one more internship I really want for Mon/Tues and possibly a third for Friday. Tomorrow I have an interviews at CBS, The Laugh Factory and Rumpus Films (The production company that did Paul Blart)
When I got home from work Friday night at 11 pm, my apartment was filled with tons of people. We started drinking and sometime around 3 I decided to go in my room and pass out. When I woke up at 7 (thanks to Chelsea) my apartment was still filled with people, and they were all passed out around various places in my apartment. Then Chelsea and Leah decided to get in my bed with Meghan and I. Then sometime in there Dan joined in and before I knew it there were five people in my little bed.
Nice.
Then we all went to Ihop and then came home and continued the party. Then I went back to bed. That was my graduation party! haha
I will update you all on what is going on with my interviews/internships a lot sooner this time.
Leah: I'm a pescatarian.
Dan: What is that?
Hilary: It means she likes fish tacos Dan.
Brett: Hilary, stop pushing your lifestyle on others.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Hilary Wants To Go To BED
Just in case you guys missed it on Facebook...I'm very pissed at Quintin right now...
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Little Miss Bad Blogger
Really, I am a bad blogger...it has been like a week. Unfortunately I don't feel like that much has happened to me and the things that have happened this week have all bee a blur. However I will try my best...
I don't remember Monday really. I had class, that's about all I remember. Seriously. Quintin left a banana lying on the floor of our room leading to this conversation:
Me-The room better not smell like bananas.
Q-It might smells like farts, sorry.
Tuesday was a bit more exciting as I had class and then work. Nothing exciting happened at either one of those but hey, what can you do. My roommates and I started feeling sick so I asked Amanda for medical advice. This was me trying to explain Amanda's advice to Leah:
"If it comes out clear, we just have to wait it out. If it comes out colored, we are in trouble."
Wednesday was only exciting because Brett K and I met up and worked out an entire season of our TV show. We put it all up on the board, it was pretty cool.
SHELF LIFE!!!
My description of what was going on in one episode: "she's fucking going nuts because she knows this chick is coming"
On the way home from my meeting I got stuck behind the Entourage van that was heading to a bar next to my house where the show was shooting that day.
Max got more excited then I did.
After that Leah and I decided to go for our almost daily walk through the canyon. This time we decided to go exploring and somehow ended up at the top of the canyon without a really way to get down. Then we has to like slide down a stinking mountain until we found a real path, which basically went straight down. So then we had to sprint down a mountain. It was nuts. I was very sore. I'm sure we will do it again soon.
"sometimes you have to go deeper in, to go out....that's what she said"
Thursday was fun because we did not have class until 1 pm. I got up and had brunch with Anne, Ashley's friend who was in town for the week, at this little place called The Griddle. It was pretty good. By the time I got home, our power had been shut off because our landlord did not pay the bill. Classic. Seriously.
Between class and our next event a group of us went to this Thai place called the...
At which Quintin confessed to me that "When I first met you, I thought you were a whore because you said that you were going to go to Hollywood and sleep your way to the top. A year later, I am sleeping in your bed."
That night we went to the Writers Guild to meet with the screenwriters of LOST. It was interesting, even though I don't watch the show. Dan decided to reserve something for me:
...and I bought white aviators to go with my white belt...
...then I found out where the drains lead...
Friday was boring in class for the most part. Brett K and I had a cute conversation when we were supposed to be learning:
B: Most people have hearts.
Me: I don't.
B: I know, but someday you will get one.
Me: From the Wizard of Oz?
B: I was thinking from some hot woman, but it could be a wizard.
Me: How about a wizardess?
Friday night a whole group of us went out. Meghan ripped my $5 :(
But at the bar this guy was hitting on her and I told him that I was her pimp and that in order to talk to her, he had to pay me. The guy pulled out a dollar and gave it to me. Classic. The bar was lame though.
Saturday was fun because we went up to Malibu to go to the beach. We played soccer on the beach and swam in the freezing ocean. Then we were walking up the beach and saw a WHALE!!!! Then wall we were watching the whale, several dolphins began swimming around the whale. It was like animal planet in person. I kept thinking to myself over and over again "I can't believe I live here."
I saw Max's cousin on the way home from the beach.
Not a whole lot of family resemblance. Max must have been adopted.
I got two nicknames this week. One from Meghan and one from Nick.
Meghan: Hilary lady killer Helding, If i was to make a TV series about you, that's what the name would be, Lady Killer.
Nick: I'm going to nickname you the female fister.
Now I am off to go find a job/internship for next week...oh boy...I will keep you all updated on that.
I don't remember Monday really. I had class, that's about all I remember. Seriously. Quintin left a banana lying on the floor of our room leading to this conversation:
Me-The room better not smell like bananas.
Q-It might smells like farts, sorry.
Tuesday was a bit more exciting as I had class and then work. Nothing exciting happened at either one of those but hey, what can you do. My roommates and I started feeling sick so I asked Amanda for medical advice. This was me trying to explain Amanda's advice to Leah:
"If it comes out clear, we just have to wait it out. If it comes out colored, we are in trouble."
Wednesday was only exciting because Brett K and I met up and worked out an entire season of our TV show. We put it all up on the board, it was pretty cool.
SHELF LIFE!!!
My description of what was going on in one episode: "she's fucking going nuts because she knows this chick is coming"
On the way home from my meeting I got stuck behind the Entourage van that was heading to a bar next to my house where the show was shooting that day.
Max got more excited then I did.
After that Leah and I decided to go for our almost daily walk through the canyon. This time we decided to go exploring and somehow ended up at the top of the canyon without a really way to get down. Then we has to like slide down a stinking mountain until we found a real path, which basically went straight down. So then we had to sprint down a mountain. It was nuts. I was very sore. I'm sure we will do it again soon.
"sometimes you have to go deeper in, to go out....that's what she said"
Thursday was fun because we did not have class until 1 pm. I got up and had brunch with Anne, Ashley's friend who was in town for the week, at this little place called The Griddle. It was pretty good. By the time I got home, our power had been shut off because our landlord did not pay the bill. Classic. Seriously.
Between class and our next event a group of us went to this Thai place called the...
At which Quintin confessed to me that "When I first met you, I thought you were a whore because you said that you were going to go to Hollywood and sleep your way to the top. A year later, I am sleeping in your bed."
That night we went to the Writers Guild to meet with the screenwriters of LOST. It was interesting, even though I don't watch the show. Dan decided to reserve something for me:
...and I bought white aviators to go with my white belt...
...then I found out where the drains lead...
Friday was boring in class for the most part. Brett K and I had a cute conversation when we were supposed to be learning:
B: Most people have hearts.
Me: I don't.
B: I know, but someday you will get one.
Me: From the Wizard of Oz?
B: I was thinking from some hot woman, but it could be a wizard.
Me: How about a wizardess?
Friday night a whole group of us went out. Meghan ripped my $5 :(
But at the bar this guy was hitting on her and I told him that I was her pimp and that in order to talk to her, he had to pay me. The guy pulled out a dollar and gave it to me. Classic. The bar was lame though.
Saturday was fun because we went up to Malibu to go to the beach. We played soccer on the beach and swam in the freezing ocean. Then we were walking up the beach and saw a WHALE!!!! Then wall we were watching the whale, several dolphins began swimming around the whale. It was like animal planet in person. I kept thinking to myself over and over again "I can't believe I live here."
I saw Max's cousin on the way home from the beach.
Not a whole lot of family resemblance. Max must have been adopted.
I got two nicknames this week. One from Meghan and one from Nick.
Meghan: Hilary lady killer Helding, If i was to make a TV series about you, that's what the name would be, Lady Killer.
Nick: I'm going to nickname you the female fister.
Now I am off to go find a job/internship for next week...oh boy...I will keep you all updated on that.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Lesson of the day "Be nice to gay people"
My phone camera was full so I missed out on some really great pictures. I am very sad about that.
Saturday was kind of a blur. In fact I do not remember at all what I did. I remember that I got up at noon, ran a few errands and then went to Meghan's for a little bit. I'm helping her out on her script for this really cute romantic comedy. Think Wedding Crashers for women and actually funny. After that I hung out at home with the kids. I got invited out a few places but I got a text that put me in a weird mood so it was go out, get drunk and do something I would regret or go to bed. I opted for going to bed. Welcome to Hollywood.
Quintin: Shut your trap woman. I don't like all your talkin' and such.
Sunday was a boring work day. Not much happened, just the typical making coffee and cleaning up after stupid people. Although I must say that being on the floor and having no responsibilities is very nice. Someone complains and I just call someone else, not my problem. Person shits themselves on our chair, not my problem. Person passed out in the bathroom, not my problem. Crack whore selling herself to children, not my problem.
I was so tired when I got home that I put hand soap on my tooth brush. No joke. I had to wash it like five times to get the green apple soap taste out. Gross.
This awesome apartment building by the studio. haha.
Today, Monday, we had a guest speaker who's main message seemed to be "be nice to gay people" mainly because they are a group you don't want to piss off. I really hope I don't piss them off. I am now working on an hour long dramedy with Brett K, not to be confused with my gay lover Brett. I am very excited for it. Then I went to BK and got a gosh darn veggie burger. They are so tasty I am addicted.
Me: BK is tastey as hell.
Leah: You're tastey as hell.
Me: I know, that's what I'm told.
Quintin: Leah, don't feed her ego.
I'm feeling a little confused about everything going on around me. Mainly job hunting, apartment hunting and woman hunting. I have a lot to do but life is a challenge and I am up for it. (just kidding about the last one, haha)
This was the cutest thing I have seen in a long time...
On a none related note:
Meghan: ...My vibrator sounds like more fun...
(no she was not talking about me)
Saturday was kind of a blur. In fact I do not remember at all what I did. I remember that I got up at noon, ran a few errands and then went to Meghan's for a little bit. I'm helping her out on her script for this really cute romantic comedy. Think Wedding Crashers for women and actually funny. After that I hung out at home with the kids. I got invited out a few places but I got a text that put me in a weird mood so it was go out, get drunk and do something I would regret or go to bed. I opted for going to bed. Welcome to Hollywood.
Quintin: Shut your trap woman. I don't like all your talkin' and such.
Sunday was a boring work day. Not much happened, just the typical making coffee and cleaning up after stupid people. Although I must say that being on the floor and having no responsibilities is very nice. Someone complains and I just call someone else, not my problem. Person shits themselves on our chair, not my problem. Person passed out in the bathroom, not my problem. Crack whore selling herself to children, not my problem.
I was so tired when I got home that I put hand soap on my tooth brush. No joke. I had to wash it like five times to get the green apple soap taste out. Gross.
This awesome apartment building by the studio. haha.
Today, Monday, we had a guest speaker who's main message seemed to be "be nice to gay people" mainly because they are a group you don't want to piss off. I really hope I don't piss them off. I am now working on an hour long dramedy with Brett K, not to be confused with my gay lover Brett. I am very excited for it. Then I went to BK and got a gosh darn veggie burger. They are so tasty I am addicted.
Me: BK is tastey as hell.
Leah: You're tastey as hell.
Me: I know, that's what I'm told.
Quintin: Leah, don't feed her ego.
I'm feeling a little confused about everything going on around me. Mainly job hunting, apartment hunting and woman hunting. I have a lot to do but life is a challenge and I am up for it. (just kidding about the last one, haha)
This was the cutest thing I have seen in a long time...
On a none related note:
Meghan: ...My vibrator sounds like more fun...
(no she was not talking about me)
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Britney Spears is an aphrodisiac
It has been quite the busy week to say the least. I fear that life is only about to get busier.
Monday we went and saw the Hollywood sign. This is this secret back way to get really close that they don't tell tourists about so it was really fun.
No Trespassing! Whoops!
We climbed all the way up here. It was intense.
This was the weed tree we found. Very nice.
Tuesday we got a really cool chance to go see a special screening of Maiden Heist, the new Walken/Freeman/Macy film. It was pretty funny. The coolest part of it though, was that it was in CAA, the largest talent agency in the country and probably world. I felt pretty cool. Afterward we all went out for drinks. Since there was a large group of us, they got us upgraded and drink deals. The margaritas were gross...
The boys pretending to be hotshot producers.
Meghan blowing our cover by forgetting to act classy.
The outdoor lounge with comfy couches.
We found a giant A in the parking lot. This picture is for Ashley.
The reason boys should not play with fire.
Dee's car got trampled by a kitty with dirty paws.
A random cut out in some car. Very nice.
Wednesday we had an awesome speaker. I got a Hollywood shot glass from him.
Leah got a giant pencil and Dee got a blow up ball of the world. I think I got the best deal here.
I stayed up all night Wednesday finish up a film treatment. It turned out pretty well. It was for my superhero script. I am very eager to get feedback on it.
Thursday was Leah's 21st Birthday! We went to this place called the Avalon for Tigerheat night. It is this really old theater they converted into a night club. It is my favorite bar, even if it has over priced drinks. The dance floor was huge and totally packed. Picture your favorite dance club seen in a movie and that was it. The dance clubs/bars in Chicago were not nearly as large or as packed. Plus, to make it even better, it was BRITNEY SPEARS night! There was this drag Britney that performed a few songs. It was awesome.
Some dancers.
$8 shots. No joke.
Meghan attempting to keep up with me...but I'm quite the pro at this point.
The floor was turning into a giant mess of sweaty bodies touching each other in completely inappropriate ways...proving that Britney Spears is in fact an aphrodisiac.
So we decided to leave Avalon when they stopped serving alcohol. It was a mile walk home but seemed to take twice as long. However we got to see the Magic Castle lit up, which is right by our house.
For those of you who do not know, this has nothing to do with Disney. It is actually a club for magicians and you can only get in by invite only. It is really cool.
Friday night we went to this really cool writer's house. Got to meet a few cool people and hear some great stories.
His cat had a stash like Hitler's...
...and has jumped off his 9th floor balcony TWICE and survived both times. Seriously. It is not the brightest of nicest cat, but at this point would expect it to be?
Randoms:
Dee's Piggy bank that she keeps in her car.
The shark by our house.
Chelsea:I know exactly how you are. The harder the exterior, the softer the interior.
Me:Don't talk about my interior baby.
Monday we went and saw the Hollywood sign. This is this secret back way to get really close that they don't tell tourists about so it was really fun.
No Trespassing! Whoops!
We climbed all the way up here. It was intense.
This was the weed tree we found. Very nice.
Tuesday we got a really cool chance to go see a special screening of Maiden Heist, the new Walken/Freeman/Macy film. It was pretty funny. The coolest part of it though, was that it was in CAA, the largest talent agency in the country and probably world. I felt pretty cool. Afterward we all went out for drinks. Since there was a large group of us, they got us upgraded and drink deals. The margaritas were gross...
The boys pretending to be hotshot producers.
Meghan blowing our cover by forgetting to act classy.
The outdoor lounge with comfy couches.
We found a giant A in the parking lot. This picture is for Ashley.
The reason boys should not play with fire.
Dee's car got trampled by a kitty with dirty paws.
A random cut out in some car. Very nice.
Wednesday we had an awesome speaker. I got a Hollywood shot glass from him.
Leah got a giant pencil and Dee got a blow up ball of the world. I think I got the best deal here.
I stayed up all night Wednesday finish up a film treatment. It turned out pretty well. It was for my superhero script. I am very eager to get feedback on it.
Thursday was Leah's 21st Birthday! We went to this place called the Avalon for Tigerheat night. It is this really old theater they converted into a night club. It is my favorite bar, even if it has over priced drinks. The dance floor was huge and totally packed. Picture your favorite dance club seen in a movie and that was it. The dance clubs/bars in Chicago were not nearly as large or as packed. Plus, to make it even better, it was BRITNEY SPEARS night! There was this drag Britney that performed a few songs. It was awesome.
Some dancers.
$8 shots. No joke.
Meghan attempting to keep up with me...but I'm quite the pro at this point.
The floor was turning into a giant mess of sweaty bodies touching each other in completely inappropriate ways...proving that Britney Spears is in fact an aphrodisiac.
So we decided to leave Avalon when they stopped serving alcohol. It was a mile walk home but seemed to take twice as long. However we got to see the Magic Castle lit up, which is right by our house.
For those of you who do not know, this has nothing to do with Disney. It is actually a club for magicians and you can only get in by invite only. It is really cool.
Friday night we went to this really cool writer's house. Got to meet a few cool people and hear some great stories.
His cat had a stash like Hitler's...
...and has jumped off his 9th floor balcony TWICE and survived both times. Seriously. It is not the brightest of nicest cat, but at this point would expect it to be?
Randoms:
Dee's Piggy bank that she keeps in her car.
The shark by our house.
Chelsea:I know exactly how you are. The harder the exterior, the softer the interior.
Me:Don't talk about my interior baby.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
"Shituation"
"Shituation" n.: a bad situation, 2.: a dramatic, usually negative happening resulting in utter shit in one's life.
It's 9:59, when I started at least. It has been a long day so I am sitting here exhausted. I worked at Borders, spent way too much money at The GAP, and then came home to not do my homework. I took a long shower hoping to wash the stink of Borders off of me and it was harder then I thought. I'm already tired of it and I have only worked there a handful of days. I should be doing homework right now, I tried. I really did. But the blank screen kept getting brighter and brighter until eventually I had to stop. It's not hard homework, but I still can't do it yet. Most likely I will go to bed and get up astoundingly early to finish. Hopefully by the time you read this, I will be done.
Let's rewind a bit. Friday I went to the beach after class with some friends. It was a bit chilly but it made me happy. Made me miss all my old friends in Chicago. (I thought of you guys!) I put my feet in the water and let the ocean wash over my toes over and over. I decided I like the beach, even if sand is annoying.
My new beach friend.
Leah trying to act like a ganster. Meghan is not sure what to think.
After the beach some of us hung out at our place. Our apartment is becoming quite the party pad. Highlight of my Friday was when Rudy told me that I would be running Paramount soon. It was a joke but it made me very happy.
I don't even remember Saturday, but I did see strippers on my way home from work.
Okay, so today was not too bad at Borders. LL Cool J came in. Dani and I cause trouble again. We sang this chick Happy Birthday, it made her day. We will always be remembered as those girls from Borders who sang to her on her 21st birthday. haha. Better then that, we had this one lady who Dani rang up. She told Dani that she reminded her of Shane from The L Word. I think it made Dani's day. I was laughing so hard I literally fell onto the floor behind the counter. By the time I pulled myself together to make her drink, I misheard the drink and made the customer the wrong one. Luckily for her, I messed it up giving her a better, more expensive drink. I told the customer I messed up and was going to make her the right one. She told me she would take the upgrade and then told me she wanted to kiss me. Luckily there was a two foot counter between us so I dodged that one. Dani and I were quite the team, look for our reality TV show airing in 2010...that's all I'm saying about that.
Our tip jar. It's kind of cute.
Leah, Dee and I decided to go to The GAP to take advantage of the discount Brett offered to us. We stocked up on nice clothing for our hopefully future agency jobs. Looking forward to being someone's bitch in $60 pants. Nothing says I can make great coffee and answer the shit out of your phone like GAP pants and a cardigan. PS. Loving the hell out of Brett right now.
"You act all tough but you're really just a warm bowl of mush." - Dani (She has more random shit coming out of her mouth then I do. Hard to believe huh?)
It's 9:59, when I started at least. It has been a long day so I am sitting here exhausted. I worked at Borders, spent way too much money at The GAP, and then came home to not do my homework. I took a long shower hoping to wash the stink of Borders off of me and it was harder then I thought. I'm already tired of it and I have only worked there a handful of days. I should be doing homework right now, I tried. I really did. But the blank screen kept getting brighter and brighter until eventually I had to stop. It's not hard homework, but I still can't do it yet. Most likely I will go to bed and get up astoundingly early to finish. Hopefully by the time you read this, I will be done.
Let's rewind a bit. Friday I went to the beach after class with some friends. It was a bit chilly but it made me happy. Made me miss all my old friends in Chicago. (I thought of you guys!) I put my feet in the water and let the ocean wash over my toes over and over. I decided I like the beach, even if sand is annoying.
My new beach friend.
Leah trying to act like a ganster. Meghan is not sure what to think.
After the beach some of us hung out at our place. Our apartment is becoming quite the party pad. Highlight of my Friday was when Rudy told me that I would be running Paramount soon. It was a joke but it made me very happy.
I don't even remember Saturday, but I did see strippers on my way home from work.
Okay, so today was not too bad at Borders. LL Cool J came in. Dani and I cause trouble again. We sang this chick Happy Birthday, it made her day. We will always be remembered as those girls from Borders who sang to her on her 21st birthday. haha. Better then that, we had this one lady who Dani rang up. She told Dani that she reminded her of Shane from The L Word. I think it made Dani's day. I was laughing so hard I literally fell onto the floor behind the counter. By the time I pulled myself together to make her drink, I misheard the drink and made the customer the wrong one. Luckily for her, I messed it up giving her a better, more expensive drink. I told the customer I messed up and was going to make her the right one. She told me she would take the upgrade and then told me she wanted to kiss me. Luckily there was a two foot counter between us so I dodged that one. Dani and I were quite the team, look for our reality TV show airing in 2010...that's all I'm saying about that.
Our tip jar. It's kind of cute.
Leah, Dee and I decided to go to The GAP to take advantage of the discount Brett offered to us. We stocked up on nice clothing for our hopefully future agency jobs. Looking forward to being someone's bitch in $60 pants. Nothing says I can make great coffee and answer the shit out of your phone like GAP pants and a cardigan. PS. Loving the hell out of Brett right now.
"You act all tough but you're really just a warm bowl of mush." - Dani (She has more random shit coming out of her mouth then I do. Hard to believe huh?)
Monday, March 9, 2009
Prisoner of Trebekistan
"So one night, in Santa Monica, I stood on a hundred-foot bluff overlooking the Pacific and vowed that someday I would meet a girl and propose to her on that very spot. I even made a mental note of the location, so that I could be sure of finding it again...A few year later I actually did stand on that exact spot with a girl I was madly in love with. Her name was Tonya, and I asked her to marry me. Not only did she say yes, we even went ahead and said the vows right there, the sea as our only witness, promising forevers, tears filling our eyes."
This is a short quote from Prisoner of Trebekistan. It is a book about a guy who was on Jeopardy! and the reason I am reading it is for class. Bob Harris, who wrote his autobiography, sold his book rights to a production company and the guy who is screenwriting it is coming in on Friday to talk about it. I have several reasons for quoting it. First one is the obvious connection to LA (For those of you who don't know, Santa Monica is part of LA County).
The other is because as I was reading this, it really hit home. I like taking walks to clear my head and relax. Every place I have lived in has a certain place that I would go to clear my head and look out on some beautiful part of the world. In Decatur it was this gorge of a trail at Rock Springs. It had a specific name, but it escapes me right now. It was the longest trail at the park and when you got all the way out, as far as you could from the beginning of the park, you would climb up this hill. Once at the top you would look down through this one gap in the trees and it would reveal this beautiful little piece of nature below you. When I would go for runs out here, I would always stop and stare for as long as I possibly could.
In Chicago, it was this point out by the Planetarium. My friend Ben and I used to rollerblade out there at night. A few night I went out there by myself and would litterally sit out there all night until the sun would rise. It was this perfect combination of city and space. I will never forget the beauty that a picture could not even begin to capture.
In LA it is the canyon behind my house. I have posted about it in other blog entries but I couldn't stop thinking about this place as well as the other two, as I read this chapter. I don't know how many times I have been standing, staring out of the edge of this canyon, looking out on the city and ocean beyond me and thinking that someday I want to share this exact image with the one person who means more to me then anything else. I want be looking out at this beautiful place and just as I'm thinking there is nothing more beautiful then the picture before me, I want to look over and see the one person who could make the rest of my picture complete. How could you not think that when you are standing there? How could you not have a quick flash of your future life? A future you that is happy and has found that one thing everyone is looking for.
There is one problem with this thought and that is that eventually you have to leave this place and it all instantly withdrawn into the back of your mind. Then I remember that I don't belive in monogamy, that it doesn't work. I remember the shit I've been through and how hard and high of a wall I have built around myself. I remember that the only person who can truely make me happy and complete is me, that I don't want to be that person who depends on another person. My heart and mind are so torn because I want to be this romantic person that I am in my head, but I'm not sure if I can be that person in the real world. I've tried and it has always back fired. It's just not me.
Before going on to talk about my weekend, I must first finish Bob's story..."About a year after that she started sleeping with her boss, although she didn't tell me for a while. Not until Christmas Eve, in fact, which she apparently thought was a good time to tell me. We stayed up all night, breaking up, and she left Chirstmas morning...I never saw her again. The spot we were standing on later collapsed in a mudslide, plummeting over the cliff for good." Sorry to be a downer but I thought you should here the end of the story. No, I did not come up with that myself but it is the reason I don't believe in monogamy. I don't want to be Bob, or worse Tonya. Odds are not in my favor. As Bob says in the next paragraph "I've been a little twitchy about commitment ever since."
Let's get a little happier shall we?
So let's run back to Saturday! After cleaning up after the party, we drove around LA to do a little exploring. Pulled up next to Hugh Grant. We walked around Rodeo Drive. It was weird. Leah knew all the designers and stores...I knew none of them. She made me go into Tiffany. I'm not dumb, I know you don't take a woman into Tiffany. She of course walked right over to the engagement rings. Good thing Dee was there. I know you get a woman good classy expensive jewlrey, but gosh darn it...I don't want to go into until I have a woman I want to buy something for and until then I will avoid it like the plague.
In Beverly Hills they have diagonal crossing at the intersections. It was weird:
And they had a British Soldier.
I have no clue who that girl is, she just walked into my picture.
On Sunday, I had to work at Borders. It was actually fun. It was the first time I was in the cafe with other people. Apparently I am in the "Lesbian Cafe" where everyone that works in SBC is one. Weird. I have forgotten how much you get hit on in the cafe. I know my baristas always told me but it never really sinks in until it is happening to you. It's something about how people feel comfortable hitting on you because you are trapped behind a counter and can't go anywhere. You know they are seriously hitting on you when they make sure you see them giving you a big tip. If they are just being nice they just drop it in the tip jar and continue on their way. If they wait until you are looking and then wink or smile when they put it in, and don't break eye contact, they are hitting on you.
Best conversation of the weekend:
Dani: What are you a Pisces?
I nod.
Dani: I knew it. They always are the most emotional people you will ever meet but yet they act like they are the toughest.
I roll my eyes.
Dani: Why are you being so difficult?
I think about it for a moment.
Me: Because I'm a woman.
Dani rolls her eyes and as she walks away and mutters under her breath.
Dani: I can't argue with that.
This is a short quote from Prisoner of Trebekistan. It is a book about a guy who was on Jeopardy! and the reason I am reading it is for class. Bob Harris, who wrote his autobiography, sold his book rights to a production company and the guy who is screenwriting it is coming in on Friday to talk about it. I have several reasons for quoting it. First one is the obvious connection to LA (For those of you who don't know, Santa Monica is part of LA County).
The other is because as I was reading this, it really hit home. I like taking walks to clear my head and relax. Every place I have lived in has a certain place that I would go to clear my head and look out on some beautiful part of the world. In Decatur it was this gorge of a trail at Rock Springs. It had a specific name, but it escapes me right now. It was the longest trail at the park and when you got all the way out, as far as you could from the beginning of the park, you would climb up this hill. Once at the top you would look down through this one gap in the trees and it would reveal this beautiful little piece of nature below you. When I would go for runs out here, I would always stop and stare for as long as I possibly could.
In Chicago, it was this point out by the Planetarium. My friend Ben and I used to rollerblade out there at night. A few night I went out there by myself and would litterally sit out there all night until the sun would rise. It was this perfect combination of city and space. I will never forget the beauty that a picture could not even begin to capture.
In LA it is the canyon behind my house. I have posted about it in other blog entries but I couldn't stop thinking about this place as well as the other two, as I read this chapter. I don't know how many times I have been standing, staring out of the edge of this canyon, looking out on the city and ocean beyond me and thinking that someday I want to share this exact image with the one person who means more to me then anything else. I want be looking out at this beautiful place and just as I'm thinking there is nothing more beautiful then the picture before me, I want to look over and see the one person who could make the rest of my picture complete. How could you not think that when you are standing there? How could you not have a quick flash of your future life? A future you that is happy and has found that one thing everyone is looking for.
There is one problem with this thought and that is that eventually you have to leave this place and it all instantly withdrawn into the back of your mind. Then I remember that I don't belive in monogamy, that it doesn't work. I remember the shit I've been through and how hard and high of a wall I have built around myself. I remember that the only person who can truely make me happy and complete is me, that I don't want to be that person who depends on another person. My heart and mind are so torn because I want to be this romantic person that I am in my head, but I'm not sure if I can be that person in the real world. I've tried and it has always back fired. It's just not me.
Before going on to talk about my weekend, I must first finish Bob's story..."About a year after that she started sleeping with her boss, although she didn't tell me for a while. Not until Christmas Eve, in fact, which she apparently thought was a good time to tell me. We stayed up all night, breaking up, and she left Chirstmas morning...I never saw her again. The spot we were standing on later collapsed in a mudslide, plummeting over the cliff for good." Sorry to be a downer but I thought you should here the end of the story. No, I did not come up with that myself but it is the reason I don't believe in monogamy. I don't want to be Bob, or worse Tonya. Odds are not in my favor. As Bob says in the next paragraph "I've been a little twitchy about commitment ever since."
Let's get a little happier shall we?
So let's run back to Saturday! After cleaning up after the party, we drove around LA to do a little exploring. Pulled up next to Hugh Grant. We walked around Rodeo Drive. It was weird. Leah knew all the designers and stores...I knew none of them. She made me go into Tiffany. I'm not dumb, I know you don't take a woman into Tiffany. She of course walked right over to the engagement rings. Good thing Dee was there. I know you get a woman good classy expensive jewlrey, but gosh darn it...I don't want to go into until I have a woman I want to buy something for and until then I will avoid it like the plague.
In Beverly Hills they have diagonal crossing at the intersections. It was weird:
And they had a British Soldier.
I have no clue who that girl is, she just walked into my picture.
On Sunday, I had to work at Borders. It was actually fun. It was the first time I was in the cafe with other people. Apparently I am in the "Lesbian Cafe" where everyone that works in SBC is one. Weird. I have forgotten how much you get hit on in the cafe. I know my baristas always told me but it never really sinks in until it is happening to you. It's something about how people feel comfortable hitting on you because you are trapped behind a counter and can't go anywhere. You know they are seriously hitting on you when they make sure you see them giving you a big tip. If they are just being nice they just drop it in the tip jar and continue on their way. If they wait until you are looking and then wink or smile when they put it in, and don't break eye contact, they are hitting on you.
Best conversation of the weekend:
Dani: What are you a Pisces?
I nod.
Dani: I knew it. They always are the most emotional people you will ever meet but yet they act like they are the toughest.
I roll my eyes.
Dani: Why are you being so difficult?
I think about it for a moment.
Me: Because I'm a woman.
Dani rolls her eyes and as she walks away and mutters under her breath.
Dani: I can't argue with that.
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