Tired

I'm tired. I'm tired physically. I'm tired mentally. I'm just plain tired.

I spaced out in the shower today for a good twenty minutes (I only know this because the shower was 20 minutes longer then it normally is for the exact same amount of washing). I can't remember why I spaced out, I just did...there went twenty minutes of my life I should have spent reading another script. I finally bought MAX some coolant that he's been needing for weeks. I finally gave him a bath that he's been needing for months. I need to do laundry but instead I'm writing this blog and then taking a nap. I'm laying here in bed typing while I hear Leah out in the kitchen angrily putting the dishes away...again. My room is a mess because I have no furniture to put my shit on and I'm too lazy to put shit where it really should go. I have this book I really need to read but I really don't want too. I have a script I need to write. No wait, I have two. I feel like I have eaten too much food today but I don't think I have really eaten enough. BUT....


...I'm really happy. I mean this is what I gave it all up for. In the last month before I left I totaled my car, got a promotion at work, had two bars at I could drink for free, and finally got the girl I had wanted for three fucking years. Then I put all my shit into MAX and drove 2000 miles out here and stood on top of a canyon and watched the sunset. And thinking about all the shit I felt for the longest time that I had given up I really hadn't. I would never have even had a car to total in the first place if I wasn't moving out here. I would never have thrown myself into work to save money and pass the time if I hadn't been leaving. I would not have been partying as much if I hadn't thought these were my last days to do so (maybe I would have :\). And I would never had kissed the girl of my dreams.

So really those were opportunities that I was given because of this chance. I totaled my first car in Indiana which gave me more time to spend with my family then I originally planned and I got Max who got me out here safely and has been a trooper so far (fingers crossed). The promotion at the last minute gave me a lot more money which actually helped me buy Max when shit hit the fan. I drank a lot...I needed that at the time...I don't think I need it as much anymore. And I got to have someone for a moment. An amazing wonderful moment. Which I will forever be thankful for forever despite the fact that it is not meant to be.

Three months from saying goodbye to Chicago, I am finally seeing these things as opportunities instead of sacrifices...and I'm finally closing that book. I don't need to worry about what would have been if I had stayed, because I didn't. I couldn't. I'm taking everything I have learned and felt away with me and I am going to stop looking back. I have this amazing life ahead of me and if I keep letting things behind me pull me back down, it will take me twice as long.

I have so many amazing people out here that I never thought I would have the chance to meet. I'm feeling things I didn't think I would feel again for a long time. And I'm moving on.

I still love Chicago and everyone there, but Los Angeles is my home. And I think I know that 100% now.